The rise of the male trailing spouse

Michael Nesbit, consulting services specialist at Plus Relocation Services wrote the post below. Take it away Michael - 

The idea of the “trailing spouse” is a classic image in the world of relocation – the wife who is unwillingly dragged out of the familiarity of day-to-day life to become an expat alongside her working husband. Sometimes she is able to find work in the host country, but in many cases, her role is that of a lonely caretaker. However, this traditional perception of gender roles is being slowly shifted as more female expats are being sent abroad, a trend which has led to the ongoing rise of the male trailing spouse. A recent blog post by Expatica highlights this:

“Moving overseas is all about change: new country, new customs, new job, and a new language. It’s a lot to handle all at once. When the lifestyle changes include trading in a career for full-time parenting, an even bigger adjustment is required. And if the expat in question is a man, the upending of gender roles as a trailing spouse adds yet another layer of complexity to the process.”

Even in the best situation, relocation overseas is difficult. Culture shock, logistical challenges, language barriers, and the loss of familiar social groups all combine to add pressure to an already challenging new lifestyle. In the male-dominated expat community, it is often a female spouse or partner who bears the brunt of these while learning to support a family abroad. In response to this norm, support groups for female expat spouses are often readily available. For male spouses, however, these resources can be hard to find, as noted by Expatica:

“The male trailing spouse is a fairly new breed whose numbers are growing. Unfortunately, they often receive less support in this role than their female counterparts; it is still more common for the husband in a heterosexual expat couple to be the one moving abroad for work, so expat spouse groups tend to focus more on supporting women.”

Male trailing spouses often deal with changing family roles as well as the general challenges of relocating to another country. Many male spouses of expats must become the primary caregiver for their children, a role that requires significant adaptation for some. This reversal of traditional gender roles can create discomfort for the unprepared, and without access to the resources and support systems typically available for female spouses, men can find themselves dealing with changes alone. However, this is changing as more male trailing spouses enter expat communities around the world.

“Groups aimed towards the male trailing spouse are springing up around the globe…Our research suggests that having a good support system in place, preferably one that includes other stay-at-home fathers, is critical.”

Expatica has several recommendations for male trailing spouses. For those who find themselves unable to work, it can be helpful to start planning for repatriation immediately after arriving in a host country. This preparation could include maintaining a professional network at home, seeking out volunteer opportunities that could add to a resume or pursuing additional education while abroad.

Being patient is noted as a keystone in the arch of good mental health; even those who may be able to work in the host country should not feel pressured to rush into a new job before adapting to the new environment. Those who cannot work abroad may also need time to adjust to new family and social roles. Other recommendations include maintaining open and honest communication, focusing on stress relief and enjoyable physical activities, and avoiding defensiveness about any changes that have taken place within the family. All of these can help accelerate the process of adapting to the new lifestyle that an increasing number of men are accepting in the worldwide expat community.